he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
