On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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