youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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