Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
