we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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