Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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