ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
