youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
