Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
