i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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