My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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