my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
