hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
