I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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