Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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