My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
