Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
