I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
