your parents love me but you hate me
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
