Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Life without a bra equals bliss.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
