mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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