there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize