Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
