i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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