R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
