i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
