i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
