In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
