I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
