all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
