mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
