It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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