If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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