my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
