Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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