he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
