i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
