There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
