You really coming over, don't trick.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
