All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She's the barista slut.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
