When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
