she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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