Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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