Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
