she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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