I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
