she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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