"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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