Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
