so explain again why im purple
no
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
