for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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