dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
