Just took my morning after pill in the library
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
