I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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