come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
