I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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