the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
