I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
