this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
God, I missed his penis.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
