My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
