Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
