and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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