I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Be still, my beating vagina.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize