I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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