ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
