yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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