Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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