when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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