Soap is not a condiment
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
