But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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