I wanna bring you to show and tell
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
