i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
